Boys Too Can Say No
Attraction to the opposite sex and the desire to form a relationship with the opposite sex are normal part of human development. The process of forming a relationship with the opposite sex often begins with one of the parties, more often a boy expressing his admiration towards a girl he particularly feels attracted to, and asking her to be friends with him. If the girl feels the same way towards the boy, she accepts his offer of friendship and a relationship is established. On the contrary, the girl turns down the offer if she does not feel the same way towards the boy or if she is not ready for a relationship at that moment. It comes naturally for a girl to say no to a boy once she has decided to say so and this could be for several reasons which may include not wanting to be distracted from her studies and the pursuit of her personal growth.
Though boys may be more outright when it comes to making advances and proposing friendship, girls have also been found to express advances to boys in many cases. Unlike boys who may find it easy to give verbal expression to their feelings, girls may choose more subtle means of communicating their feelings. As subtle as these means may be, many boys have disclosed during interactive sessions that they usually find it difficult to turn down a girl’s advances even when they don’t feel anything for her. According to them, it is difficult to look at a girl in the face and tell her you are not interested in being friends with her. The reasons given include the following.
Many boys feel it is a proof of their worth and a source of pride that a girl treasures them to the point of making passes at them. Hence, the majority of them would not want to disappoint the girl. Many boys feel that a girl might be hurt if they turn her down while some believe that it is a proof of a man’s strength to be able to “stand up” to ladies. Since they do not wish to be taken for weaklings, they do whatever the ladies want them to do.
Some boys take pride in the number of girls they have under control and take it as a hubby to approach as many girls as possible. Hence, girls who come to them on their own volition only make the task easier for them.
A lot of boys take pride in expressing their sexual competence and therefore see every girl that makes herself available as a good chance to prove such competence.
Boys can also say no to advances from girls.
It is not a shameful thing to say “no” to a girl if you don’t want to be friends with her or if you are not ready for a relationship. It is your life and you have the right to make choices that would benefit you.
It is not necessary to indulge in unwholesome activities or expose one’s health and future to negative consequences just to prove one’s worth. What makes one real and tough is the ability to defend one’s values in the face of pressure.
If turning down advances when you are not ready for a relationship will hurt the other person, then it is okay as long as it helps you to preserve your values, health and future.
Do you want to show the girls the stuff you are made of? Be the best in academics. Express yourself in sports. Be the best writer or the most eloquent speaker in your school or neighbourhood. Earn yourself awards for good behavior.
Sexual adventure is a leap in the dark. One could end up with injuries that could last a lifetime.
What about my friends, wont they think I am a weakling?
Some of your friends may tell you that you do not know what’s up if you are not in a sexual relationship. Others may tell you that abstinence and virginity are not important to boys. One of the ways to avoid negative peer pressure is choosing the right friends. It is difficult to uphold your values when you keep close friends who do not only despise those values but also compel you to adopt contrary ones. You have a difficult choice to make here – your friends or your values and future? Before you make your choice, lets look at it together. Abstinence is delaying sexual gratification until you are ready for the responsibilities that come with it, such as being a husband and a father. It implies protecting yourself from the physical and emotional problems that could result from sexual intercourse. These benefits cannot be said to be primitive. Abstinence implies that you have great value and respect for your body. It portrays self-control, dignity and proper self-esteem. It shows that you are civilized because every boy that is well informed in today’s society is learning to “zip up”. It shows that you cherish your future happiness and you are not willing to sacrifice it for temporary pleasure. Postponing sex till marriage means that you have worthwhile goals and are focused on them. Virginity is an all-time virtue even for boys. It is the proof of inner strength and purity. It shows that you are capable of keeping your body for your spouse when you eventually get married because any young person that cannot abstain from sex before marriage may also find it difficult to stay faithful in marriage. Think about it. There will be nothing spectacular to look forward to on your wedding night if you choose sex before marriage.
Sexual intercourse is not a mere recreational activity as some young people think. There is more to sex than pleasure. Besides the physical bodies, sex involves both the psychological and spiritual involvement of the participants. It generates physical, psychological as well as spiritual bond that may be difficult to handle outside the context of marriage.
What if a girl I love leaves me for someone else because I chose abstinence?
To experiment with sex because you want to keep a relationship is to risk your health and future for that relationship. If your friend truly values the relationship as much as you do, let her wait for you until you are ready. If she can’t wait for you, perhaps she does not deserve you.
Isn’t Everyone Doing It?
You may be surprised to learn that a good number of young boys are abstaining from sex. It is not everyone your age that is doing it. Boys too can say no.